Living in the trenches…
Deep in the weeds…
These are phrases I have found myself using to describe the early days of parenting. Sleep deprivation has a real way of creating tunnel vision, making it difficult to look up and realize the world is wide, and this path we’re on is long and full of beautiful sights along the way.
I felt a fundamental shift in myself when someone suggested I remember the “long view” when it comes to raising and forming my children into fully grown humans. We will not be done when they go to preschool and that’s actually a relief. We actually will not be done when they turn 18 either! We’re not in a race till that date. We are starting a relationship with someone we get to know for the rest of our lives. We will see their pivotal life-changing moments, and they will see ours.
Having the long view in mind also takes the pressure off that irritating thing they just did or that disciplinary moment you are having…this is one of many many lessons, we’re moving the needle not finishing something in that moment. Formation is gradual.
With parenting as in any project we develop in our work, we can establish a vision of the kind of adult we hope our children grow into. Most likely we have a subconscious idea of what that is, but have you done some vision planning for your child? It took me a while to realize I could do this and it has changed how patient I am with the process. Learning traits like self-control requires that our children practice. We instruct, they do it wrong a few times, practice again, we instruct and point them in the right direction. That’s the process and it will not look like progress for a while - until we have hindsight.
What traits do you hope your child will have in adulthood? How can that shape the way you think of your role in their life?
Take the time to form a vision, and let the pressure off these immediate moments fade away.
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